Agitated waiting or Tamas +

From this meeting the text is available:

Holland, Venwoude, May 28, 2003

A man in the chair. After quite a silence, Isaac starts speaking.

> To you this doesn’t feel like resistence, it feels like gently being present?
< There is something like resistence now, I can feel. Doesn’t feel very comfortable at this moment.
> Ah. Okay, good.
< There is this thinking, it wants to accomplish something. I feel some hesitation to follow it or be with it.
> And the overall feeling is one of just waiting, yeah?
< Agitated waiting.
> Agitated waiting. Yeah, that’s a good description.
  So now you’re waiting. Can you see what an incredible invention this waiting is? Because as long as you are waiting you never can look, cause you are waiting, you’re busy. It’s a great one, isn’t it? He is just waiting, agitatedly. It is perfect. Look, no problem, I am waiting. I am ready, I’m waitng.
< In a way I am waiting untill I can catch up with it again. Merge with it again. And just that it is all one again.
> How long will you wait?
< Sometimes it takes a while.
> And then, mysterious, suddenly it’s here.
< Yeah
> Then the waiting was worthwile it seems like. And then, when it’s gone, waiting yeah?


> Yeah, I listened very well in satsang, I was told don’t do anything, so I’m just waiting.
< You have any better tips?
> Aren’t we cute? I just love how cute we are. Every word I say is a tip. But when you’re waiting you can’t hear it. Cause you are even waiting for the tip you know. It’s just that last tip that you need, yeah?
< The stupid thing is that I even know that I don’t need it.

You know that you don’t need it but you’re waiting for something yeah? What you are waiting for?

< I don’t know. I had that realisation yesterday, that thinking is just so stupid. I mean you are just messing things up, you see it and then you do it again. And there is this split. And I ‘m now waiting for it to just …. Otherwise I would be agitated more.
> So you are practicing waiting patiently now?
< What can you do?

What the waiting does, is …. It’s like in your mind you really know what you are waiting for.

< Yes, ja ja.
> So you still believe your mind. Because you’re not here, you see, already your mind is tied outside.
< Yeah, I am waiting for something.
> And you know what you are waiting for, when it feels
< I still have a big attachment to when it all flows and is peacefull and everything can come in etcetera.
> It’s worth to wait for that, yeah?
< That’s the stupid part of it, because I like that, so I want that, and I know that wanting it is killing it.
> So you try not to want for it, but you just wait for it. It’s a crazy game, you are very smart. So at least wanting is gone now. But not really, it has become agitated waiting.
< The funny thing is: If I can be with it – there can be a lot of unpleasant emotions – but there is still peace. That’s the strange thing. The bit I don’t like is when I cann’t be in touch with it anymore.Then it is suddenly all agitation, thinking gets agitated and then it gets worse and worse. Cause I try to fix something about it, or start waiting or
> Yeah.
< And then it is clouded up and I don’t see it anymore
> You do! That’s why you’re waiting.
< I know there is somewhere something, But I don’t have any contact with it anymore, so I don’t even know what I am waiting for.
> You have contact with it. In your mind you know what you are waiting for.
< Ja, a picture. But that doesn’t work, I also know that. It will never be like that.
> This waiting itself. When you explore the waiting itself, you are alive to the waiting. Then you are not waitng anymore.
< But I would have to do it without any agenda, any wanting to make it better, or …. May be I would even have to explore that.
> Yes, may be
< Because also exploration, I can corrupt that also very easily.
> Yes of course, everything can be corrupted.
< A couple of hours ago I did some exploration how it would feel like on monday to go to work. And that was an interesting exploration, but also with a goal, I felt the goal behind it to make that better and that doen’t work, it just messes it all up. You’re right, it takes such a small tiny feeling to agitate the whole system again, to get it worked up.
  [Silence] Then Isaac, reacting on some nervous laughter in the audience:

That’s the sound of one mind clapping.


< Thank you.
[ I ask from the audience]
< Isaac, is this tamas, this energy?

Waiting, yeah. You know what it does, it’s like ….

It’s so great the way it works. Because you think that you are not doing and you’re doing!
So you are never really present in it, because your mind is tied somewhere else.
But if you are really in it, the waiting is the doorway to here.

< Say that again?
< Right! [Can you here my coin drop?]
> Then it’s like, you dont believe in waiting anymore.
It’s like: waiting is finished.
But if you believe in the waiting, then you’re waiting.
< I will listen to this last part on tape, but thanks for having given it a name, Hans.


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