This video has three pieces, the first is a question of someone that starts up a group discussion, the second part (at 2’05) is after about 25 minutes where I make a statement and end up going into a deep inner search and the third part (at4’49) about half an hour later is where I share my findings, meanwhile going through a strong releasing of deep old sadness.
Some time ago already I wrote this about it:
During the last retreat in Venwoude there was this moment, where I shared something about myself. It was about often having reacted strongly to requests of people, in the discussed case about being silent in the silent retreat.
More specific: requests that are not coming from a personal need for silence, but that are at least partly coming from a leaning on the presupposed unanimous agreement to be silent. It’s the requests that are coming from implied being right, based on outward authority.
Isaac Shapiro noticed my being touched and asked if I could go deeper with this.
I closed my eyes. What happens he asked after a few moments.
It is taking me through the floor, was my answer.
And there it went, quasi to the past along bodily stored memories. Quite some crying happened and slowly slowly a, or the, source of this upset became clear.
Later during that meeting I shared from the chair on the stage what had happened and what showed up: my alergic reaction to this kind of requests triggers the anger and helplessness that during my youth was developped by what I described as “By my educators the Highest, the Widest was always used to narrow you down”. While telling this the deepest sadness I know is squeezed out as sobs. There was always this authoritative enemy and it was invisible. A great insight, for which I am very gratefull. On this topic there is relaxation going on since. (From here).
httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EUiMelh_k4c
