The social behaviour trip

From this meeting the text is available:

Holland, Venwoude, May 29 morning, 2003.
  < I am kind of tripping, but it is inward instead of outward. It is amazing. And I did some dozen of discoveries, but the most important: I wrote you in this email that I had this fear that this beautifull that pops out after a few days of satsang was another ingenious social behaviour trick. And I discovered that it is the other way around. This is covered by all this social behaviour. That is what I am becoming aware of.
  > Fantastic Hans.
  < It is everywhere. In my body language, in my language, in my thinking, everywhere.
  > Fantastic Hans. Good to see. Ah, this is music to my ears.
  < I had another trip. [To someone in the audience: can I share what I told you?]
    Yesterday at a point I met the eyes of K. I was kind of surprised and the eyecontact lasted a long time. Only later I realised, two hours later I realised that there was this curiosity because she spoke to you about this brainstate that she was in once in a while. So at a point I was sitting there and one and a half hours later I came out of this state. It was amazing. I went out in a mental state that I have never been in and it brought up fear: I will never get out again. It was really a kind of empty mental state, it was as if my whole head was vacuum cleaned. That had something fantastic. I will never be the same up there. And already when the initial eye contact was going on I realised: when I don’t keep in touch with my body I will disappear completely. And that I managed. And afterwords I lost my body, totally. And then, up there somewhere, there was a thought speaking to you ‘I am frightened’. And there was another thought ‘the source of it must be in my body’. And that thin line kind of brought me back. And then I felt the fear and then there was crying and then it was over. And 5 seconds later she looked at me again and then I thought ‘oh oh’. And I stayed and thought ‘I am kind of couragious’ and then left three or four thoughts and we just looked again. And that was great and then, let’s say, nothing strange happened. It was just to be received and great. Enough stories.
  > That is not a story in a way. I would say that’s a direct seeing. And your sharing of it is beautiful and it touches. It’s not a story, it’s just an invitation, yeah.
  < I quit my social behaviour. Thank you.
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