Jawdropper: Now and now and now and now.

From this meeting the text is available:

Holland, Venwoude, May 29 evening, 2003.
  > You look so soft.
  < You know why? I don’t have a clou what’s happening and I don’t mind anymore.
  > Ah. Beautifull. Yeah. Nice.
  < I have a question. Just to check something. For me the story you tell now, the way you point, for me is the way home, like this one. [the body]. I have an idea like, that’s from the past, now I have to integrate the story. And then there is a thought or a knowing, there I doubt, that it’s not a matter of integrating the story, but desintegrating the rest. But is that also a thought?
  > In a way, because there is nothing there. But you see there is nothing here now and now and now and now. So it’s not desintegrating anything. Something appears, you have a look at it, there is nothing there.
  < So the idea of desintegrating comes from thinking that it’s real.
  > Yeah.
  < Making a temporal thing from the change from the snake to the rope.
  > Yeah.
  < Right.The way I am kind of arriving in my body. I have always been in my body. I have a high body awareness and a high mind awereness and there was a kind of split. And what is happening now is so subtle. Feels weird.
  > But it looks good on you man. Whatever it is.


Feels weird.
  > Or just, rather, new. Not what you are used to.

Ja, and it is so subtle, it’s almost nothing.

    Another thing that feels weird or stupid: when I am like this, a year ago or so I checked it in the mirror, there is no contact between my lips. And really the first weekend I met you, even before I spoke to you, this happened. In dutch it is called mijn bek viel open van verbazing, my jaw dropped. And since then when I’m relaxed it is not firmly closed lips anymore but loose lips. It still feels as if it looks very stupid, I had a period that I tried to close it but I gave up. I don’t mind how it looks, but it still feels funny.
    I don’t leave, but I will be back. Thank you.


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